Passion isn’t just about sexuality. Sex is actually only a part of what passion is, and not even an essential part, albeit, pleasurable and important in the lives of many.
Have you ever met a passionate person? You may know absolutely nothing about their sex life, but you can see they are filled with passion. There’s something about them — their vivaciousness, their enthusiasm, the way they talk about certain things, their drive and commitment, the way they laugh, loud or soft. They have an uncanny resiliency in the face of obstacles and an energy that weaves through and around their voice, their lives. They possess a “livingness” that is almost contagious, and can get you to remember your own passion if you’re not careful.
There’s a passion that no bed or bedroom can contain — the passion you have for living, for ideas, for adventure and invention. There’s the passion for creating and discovering, anything that brings you enjoyment in a celebratory way. This is the passion that gets you up out of bed in the morning more effectively than any alarm clock, that enables you to start the day with anticipation.
Passion is energy, and covert abuse is an energy drainer. You can find yourself losing your passion for the things that used to inspire you just from the characteristic fatigue that comes with covert abuse. If you’re physically, psychologically and emotionally drained, how you can pull up anything for your creativity when the very wellspring of who you are is dry?
But you can also lose your passion, not just as a byproduct of covert abuse, but through deliberate intention.
Covert abuse is jealous.
Sometimes it’s because of insecurity. People who covertly abuse, who need to manipulate to control, do not possess much self esteem or regard for themselves. They hide this insecurity under bravado. If they perceive you as being talented — and many covert abusers are attracted to people with admirable traits — then by gradually tearing you down they give themselves the illusion of being uplifted.
Your fall becomes their rise.
But sometimes it doesn’t have as much to do with pulling you down as seeing your passion as competition. Sure it was fine when they first met you, exciting and attractive even, but once they came into your life, they are supposed to take center stage. Your passion is supposed to take a back seat…way back seat, as in out of the building. Because if you’re taking care of your passion or spending time with it, you’re not taking care of or spending time with them.
That taking care of your passion makes you whole, makes you better able to love others is lost to a covert abuser. They can’t understand, because more often than not, they have become a stranger to their own passion or are now only acquainted with it’s substitution, obsession.
And forget about extending or including your passion for creativity in your love for them. With the mind that can conceive of power only as “power over”, there is no sharing, no widening of the dance floor. There’s only either/or, me or it, black or white. They win or they lose. There are no other states of being.
It’s an irony, that very thing that may attract such a person to you in the first place is the very thing they will target once they get secure in your love for them. How confusing it is.
But then that’s covert abuse, and being covert, it will do its attacking while calling it something else.
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POINTS TO PONDER
What kind of relationship do you have with your creativity? Is it a part of your life, an intrusion or is it totally nonexistent?